I’m Real

Sina approaches me with a smile, takes my hands, and presses a tender yet passionate kiss to my lips. I’m real, she whispers softly. And we both live in this world. A bright ray of light pierces through my cloudy thoughts, long dominated by darkness. Yelping and shrieking in pain, the demons of my self explode into a thousand pieces, clearing the way for a green, healing bud to sprout through the cold, withered earth. A grin spreads across my face, which had just been so pensive and sullen, weighed down by deep conviction and dislike. For the first time in what felt like years, I sensed a flicker of hope - a tiny ember refusing to be extinguished by the heavy storm of my own mind.

Well, you see, Sina says, running off. Come on, let’s fly! she shouts before disappearing around the next corner. Wait for me! Sina was like a little child. She reminded me of the resolutions and convictions I had lost through the relentless grind of life here. Her disposition was always cheerful, carefree, and full of positive surprises. Sina was Ernie, and I... I was Bert. Don’t be like that, Bert! I enjoyed every minute with her - or at least, that’s how it felt in retrospect. In truth, she often annoyed me with her overly naïve view of our doomed existence, which I found infuriatingly simplistic. Or maybe, deep down, I was just jealous of the lightness she seemingly carried so effortlessly.

I often looked at Sina’s pale body, photographed it, caressed it, memorized it. I knew every freckle, every scar, every fine hair. I knew how to stroke her belly to make her giggle like a chicken, where she didn’t want to be touched, and how to drive her to inner despair - or even ecstasy. Sina was an open book to me, her pages rich with detail, yet so many of them still seemed unread - perhaps even unwritten. It was those chapters that scared me the most, filling me with a dread I couldn’t quite explain. I was afraid of them. Afraid of a future waiting for us, one I didn’t want to confront. Because it would change everything, destroy our small world, and annihilate both me and her.