The Modern Diet

I don’t even know why I’ve been eating less meat lately. The cafeteria serves French fries with ketchup and mayo for a buck. Vegan salami is surprisingly good. And an avocado, hummus, or pickles with a cheese sandwich? The best. My shift away from meat isn’t driven by concern for health, climate, taste, culture, or even the animals. But I can think of reasons not to fill my days with thoughts of roasted pigs, fried chicken, and freshly butchered cows - especially when I can just load up on fruit, vegetables, and grains. I’ve reached a point where coffee is the centerpiece of my diet, and everything else ranks from second to seventh priority.

It honestly doesn’t matter to me whether I’m eating a veal cutlet or some soy-wheat-bean alternative. I even makes me feel superior. When I put my vegan cold cuts on the supermarket checkout conveyor, and the guy behind me has his two-dollar mixed mince, I feel like the more modern person between us. But the main reason is probably that deep down, I’m just a trend follower. Repeat something often enough, and eventually, I’ll buy into it. When I watch footage from grim slaughterhouses where chickens are trampled, piglets are castrated, and cows are mistreated, I think: Maybe it’s time for more cucumbers, tomatoes, and potatoes to suffer.

I’m not a vegetarian or a vegan. I consume milk, cheese, butter, yogurt, eggs, honey - anything that comes from animals ends up in my mouth. And I eat, and love, fish. Salmon, pike perch, dorado, trout, halibut, herring, scampi, tuna, clams, crabs, eel, squid, cod, mackerel, oysters, shrimp, and sardines. As I write this, I’m munching on a more-or-less healthy cheese sandwich with the last vegan salami slice I had in the fridge, topped with some mayo. Maybe this is the start of some life-altering journey. Perhaps one day, I’ll evolve into a higher being who lives on nothing but sunlight, air, and coffee. Only then will I finally be content with myself and the world.