Knowing What You Want

There’s a difference between people who drift through relationships taking whatever comes along, and people like Irina who actually know what they’re looking for. Most of us fall somewhere in between—we have some idea, half-formed, that gets clarified only when we meet someone and realize they’re either it or they’re not. I’ve always admired people who are clear about it, though I’m suspicious of anyone who claims they know exactly. Clarity about what you need in someone else is different from the fantasy of the perfect person. The real thing is rarer—someone who’s thought about what matters and can actually recognize it when it shows up, even when it shows up messier or stranger than expected.