It Was Time

We were supposed to go to an open-air concert, but plans are fragile things. Ana and I ended up at my place instead, watching some game show on RTL, then a disaster program, and then we just played the new Muse album on repeat for hours. Nothing glamorous. Just two people burning a night that was supposed to be somewhere else.

I can feel it now, the moment when it’s time to get over Becca. That’s what I’m noticing. I watched that James Blunt video, Goodbye my Lover, the one I never gave a shit about before, and it completely destroyed me. She looks like Mischa Barton, which makes everything worse. He’s singing right at my face in that video and I’m just sitting there with it, knowing it changes nothing. She’s not coming back. That’s just how it is.

Everyone says you’re supposed to go find the beautiful parts of life again, and they’re probably right, but knowing something and feeling it are two different things. I’ll get there. For now I’m just sitting with the disappointment, her face in my head, the strange peace of a night that went sideways. It’ll be fine.