Marcel Winatschek

Not Caring

The more I stop caring about something, the better it works. I’ve been watching this pattern play out the last few weeks, and it’s relentless.

When I’m desperate for people around me, I’m alone. When I want to be left alone with my website, with my head, suddenly everyone wants my attention. My entire life I’ve coasted on luck, but the second I actually cared about my future, worried about grades, thought ahead—that’s when I crashed it. Sex works the same way. When I didn’t want it, offers came constantly. When I needed physical closeness, when I actually felt that pull, nothing happened. Complete silence.

Becca was the clearest example. Things were good when I didn’t care much. We just existed together, weightless, and it held. Then I invested. Put my whole heart in. Made it matter. She left. Caring was the thing that killed it.

So stop caring. Then it works somehow. Probably not with anyone you actually want, but it works. Even the dumb neighbor becomes plausible. Liam Lynch nailed it: Whatever.