Pseudo
I deleted my name last night. Not officially—bureaucracy can wait—but I gave myself an actual pseudonym instead of pretending the birth name means something. Mar Ci. Mar is the patient one, the wise one, the part that actually finishes things. Ci is the saboteur, the self-destructor, the party animal who’s also lazy, the version that burns shit down just to feel something.
I’ve always known these two are in there fighting. I just spent years pretending they weren’t, performing like some unified person with a consistent trajectory and stable values. Naming them separately makes the lie too obvious to maintain, which is either honest or pathological. Probably both.
The logical next step is moving to Asia. I say it joking but I’m not entirely sure I’m joking.