Settling In

First week’s done and I still can’t quite get my head around being here. It feels like I could walk to the airport right now and leave—go back to everyone I know, everything I left behind. The strange part is how genuinely possible that feels, like escape is always an option. Eniz told me not to forget where I come from, and she’s right, but it’s hard to hold onto that when you’re suddenly at concerts and galleries and random things you didn’t plan on.

The start has been messier than I expected. Things just happen and you end up in them. There was a massive flea market on my street that came out of nowhere, and I found myself walking through it with some people from work. Same day I caught the Bourne film with Cedric and Rebecca—hadn’t seen the earlier ones, was totally lost, but somehow it still worked. Good film. Though afterward I got this weird paranoid impulse to delete this blog and disappear, change my identity so they couldn’t find me. No idea where that came from.

Laura made some crude joke at one point—one of those things that’s hilarious when you’re there and completely pointless when you try to explain it.

Vocational school starts Monday. Haven’t heard much good about it, but I’m trying to stay open. Really just waiting for the BAB application to come through so I have actual money and can finally find a decent apartment. Old building, good bones, somewhere I can take baths again. I joke sometimes about moving in with Nora Tschirner once we’re engaged, but that’s all it is.

Designed my first banner this week—it’s for Vertrauter Feind on AXN. Weird seeing something you made appear online like that. Weird how it’s permanent and real when everything else about this place still feels temporary, like I could just leave any time.