The Shortlist

Some guy in Japan started a petition to legalize marrying anime characters. First thing I thought: Sailor Moon. Then Nami from One Piece. The girl from Plastic Little if we’re being completely honest about it. The list makes itself when you’ve been paying attention.

I’m almost 25, old enough to admit I still think about this without completely falling apart about it. These characters stuck around because they had something—attitude, style, the indefinable thing that just lands right. And now they’re permanent. I know exactly how the story ends. I know exactly who they are on every level that matters. No surprises. No one’s going to disappoint you. They’ll never change their mind.

The difference between me and petition guy is that he said it out loud. We’re thinking the same thing though. You marry fiction because it doesn’t demand anything back. Doesn’t get tired of you. Doesn’t want anything except for you to keep paying attention. Whether that’s funny or sad probably depends on how much anime you’ve watched.