Killer Ushi

So I watched this German creature feature—a movie about a killer cow, or at least that’s what I think it was about. The plot didn’t survive translation, if it ever existed. Could be the whole thing is a joke. Could be it’s accidentally brilliant. Either way, nobody really knows why this movie exists, and that’s what makes it worth watching.

It reminded me of the 50-Meter Woman, that ancient B-movie where some woman gets blasted with radiation and becomes a giant monstrosity. Same DNA—an absurd premise, practical effects held together with duct tape and hope, and a crew that just decides to commit fully. Nobody’s winking at the camera. Everyone’s deadly serious about the killer cow.

The real magic isn’t the movie itself. It’s sitting in the dark with a handful of people, collectively agreeing to follow whatever nonsense is unfolding on screen. Someone brings beer. Someone brings chips. You’re all in, not because it’s good, but because there’s something real about the attempt. These people made this thing. They tried.

I watched the whole thing. No idea why, same as nobody knows why this movie got made in the first place. But that’s kind of the point. You don’t need a reason. You just show up, you sit down, and you let yourself be carried along by something completely ridiculous. And sometimes that’s exactly what you need.