The Searches, Vol. 9
We had an anniversary coming up, and apparently that’s when the search queries got genuinely feral. I’ve been running this search-log series long enough to develop a feel for baseline weird—the kind of thing where you see it and think yeah, okay, that tracks.
But this batch, Vol. 9, felt like a departure. Someone searched for sex with an amputated leg.
Someone wanted advice on bestiality. Someone was very interested in a German TV host naked. It was like the barrier had dropped.
The range is what gets me. There’s the expected foundation—naked women, women doing things, women in specific situations. But it spirals into specificity so surgical it becomes architectural. Analsex with anorexic women.
Glass in the ass.
List of things girls insert in their pussy and ass.
Emo girls in white socks.
Someone wanted to rent a porn star. Someone asked if another person was ugly. It’s not Google being used as a tool so much as Google being used as a confessional—God’s been replaced by an algorithm and whatever’s cashing in on the anxiety.
The sexual queries explain themselves. But scattered through them are moments that feel almost poetic in their desperation. My heart hates you.
Confucius saying things he never said. A kid looking up when is summer in Brazil
and landing here by accident. Someone very specifically asking about reporting their boss to the tax authority. It’s a mix of perversion, randomness, intrusive thought, and the kind of query you only type alone and curious enough to take the risk.
I think what strikes me about search logs is that they’re completely unguarded. No performance, no curation, no second take. These are real, unfiltered human thoughts turned into words. You can’t fake that. The sexual content doesn’t surprise me—people want sex and think about sex constantly. What I notice is how bespoke it gets. Not porn,
not even hot women.
Custom-made, exact configurations of desire and curiosity and disturbance, all that weird specificity that only makes sense if you’re the exact person searching for it. That’s the internet in miniature. A lot of isolated, horny, genuinely strange people looking for the specific thing that makes sense only to them, and every so often that’s something on my blog, which is darkly funny.