Wii Night Casualties

My apartment smelled like the annual AA convention had just wrapped up. Looked like Ozzy Osbourne got bored one afternoon and decided to systematically destroy everything in it. That’s what happens when you invite a bunch of nerds, a few perpetual children, and somebody’s ex, hand them a stack of Wii games, and keep cracking fresh beers every time the conversation dies.

We worked through what felt like a thousand pizzas. Drank more beer than Hasselhoff and Sepp Maier combined. Absolutely took each other apart in Mario Kart Wii, Super Smash Bros. Brawl, Wario Ware: Smooth Moves, and New Super Mario Bros. Wii. Genuinely brutal. Christoph lost every single game. I have witnesses. I’m not exaggerating.

Even Malte, who’s openly admitted he never actually grew up, stood no chance against my finely tuned decade-long mastery of mushrooms and power-ups and the sheer ferocity I brought to controller-shaking. So I’m officially crowning myself the undisputed champion of the evening, and I’m enthusiastically taking Christoph up on his invitation to burn his apartment down next time. I’m buying gasoline on the way out.