What Brings You Here

I wanted to write something different this time. Actually try, you know. Not just perverted nonsense and crude word-salad. But that’s not how this works. You’re all just little pigs.

The searches are what you’d expect. Sexual positions mixed with cartoon characters, someone looking for Japanese washing machines for absolutely no reason, diet tips for self-haters, teenagers asking medical questions about their own bodies in broken grammar. There’s someone convinced they’re a kebab, and someone else searching for help with suicidal thoughts—both ending up here because the algorithm couldn’t figure out where else to put them. These searches don’t know what they want. They’re chasing something that doesn’t exist, and Google’s best guess was me.

It’s strange when you think about it long enough. All these random people—horny, confused, desperate—crashing into this site because the internet has no better options for their specific disasters. I’ve been running something online for two decades and I still can’t make sense of it. The pervert, the confused kid, the person with a medical emergency they can’t articulate, the person mid-crisis. They all find their way here. Maybe that’s more honest than anything I could manufacture on purpose.