Fuck Me I’m Famous

I need to confess something dark and embarrassing. While everyone’s out here stealing clothes from celebrities they’re obsessed with, I’ve got my extremely cool love for Nora Tschirner on one side and this whole shadow collection of crushes on the other. Sometimes—okay, fine, often—I’m into people like Collien Fernandes, Sandy Meyer-Wölden, and occasionally even Gülcan, as long as she’s not talking.

But wait, there’s more. When the planets align just right and it’s the year of the pig or whatever, I’ll even admit to having a thing for Giulia Siegel. I can’t help it. She’s tall, blonde, lean, drinks cold beer, loves dark chocolate and jungle expeditions, posed for Playboy, and works as a wildly successful DJ. Who says no to that?

Apparently 60 other desperate guys—I’m usually not in this category, but whatever—because they’re about to try their luck on ProSieben’s Giulia In Love, where they’ll basically be competing to get with Ralph Siegel’s daughter starting tomorrow at 8:15 PM. My odds just went from slim to none, so I guess I’m stuck with Nora. As for those poor bastards on the show, I wish them well. Send me a postcard when you make it to the top.