Happy Birthday Lindsay Lohan

I was out there defending you like crazy for months before your 23rd birthday, while everyone else had completely given up. All the scandals, the rehab, all those tabloid disasters—they were sure you were finished. I wasn’t.

And you actually pulled it off. The drugs stopped, the drinking slowed, those awful paparazzi moments where you forgot your underwear disappeared. I was genuinely proud. Even though I’ll admit that watching you spiral was way more entertaining than watching you get your life together.

So here’s what I wanted for you at 23: stop drinking so much, stop using, and wear some fucking underwear. Do those things and maybe you actually get your movie career back and move your life forward. That’s the whole point of getting sober anyway, right.