The Weekend List

Friday. Everyone’s got their list of what makes a weekend matter—the whole stupid machinery of lifestyle advice and optimization and ways to turn your two days off into something other than a waiting period. Sleep until your brain stops working. Do something you’ll regret Monday. Wake up not remembering why you’re grinning.

But the actual weekend is just smaller things. Water a plant. Put curry sauce on everything. Sleep with someone inappropriate. Buy shoes you probably don’t need. Watch kids’ TV and feel relieved you’re not one anymore. Get a receipt from your dealer. Disguise yourself as lost luggage at the airport and see what happens. Eat nothing but vegetables for a week, then undo it all with alcohol. Marry a Barbie doll because at least she keeps quiet.

It’s all absurd and it’s all you actually do. The weekend doesn’t need optimizing—it’s just two days where you stop pretending and become whatever you are when nobody’s looking. Sometimes that’s someone buying Chucks. Sometimes it’s someone in a luggage costume. Most of the time it’s just someone counting the hours until Monday makes sense again.