Weekend Missions

Friday night and you realize you have zero obligations for forty-eight hours, and then you inevitably waste them all. I got tired of that, so I actually thought about what it would take to feel alive over a weekend.

Sleep with someone hot. Vicky, for example. Get outside because spending it all indoors before nuclear apocalypse traps us is a shame. If someone wants you to hit them, sure. Go find a crowd and take your shirt off. Do something you’re not supposed to. Drugs are fine if you don’t overdo it. Fly to America and eat fifty things that’ll wreck your organs. If you survive, I’ll buy your Coke.

Listen to that Sky Ferreira song—the one with Logistics. It’s perfect. Teach your kids what actually matters before they’re old enough to forget it. Buy a girl a drink, leave your number, then disappear before either of you says something you’ll regret. Then buy yourself a lollipop.