Weekend Missions

The weekend had arrived and I was already done with the heat, done with whatever the week had thrown around, so I made a list of stupid missions—the kind that require zero ambition and zero shame.

Watch that GIF. Play the Mark Ronson & The Business Intl song while you do it. You’ll understand why. Download every Japanese fashion magazine you can find and count how many times the Olsen twins appear. Completely pointless, but that’s the whole appeal. Throw together an app if the money’s still decent. Try to find Kristen Stewart and get her to make a different face. Sleep with her, don’t sleep with her, the point is the attempt. Spend an entire day speaking in some elaborate made-up language and don’t break character no matter how annoyed people get.

Be weirdly excited about new Beavis and Butt-Head episodes. Tweet something actually kind at Lindsay Lohan—she needed that. Dance around your apartment to the Double Rainbow song. And then the real thing: listen to Bang Bang Bang until it’s all you can hear. That song is just too good. Everything else was just filler, ways to pass the time until you could get back to that.

That’s the weekend. That’s all of it.