Surviving The Weekend

Who turned the clock? It’s the weekend again—another step toward the end we all know is coming. The car, the cancer, the slow burn or the quick one, doesn’t matter. You know what’s waiting. Nobody sleeps easy anymore when you know that. So you fill the days with anything but the thought, and here are ten things I could do instead. Some borrowed, some insane, all of them better than sitting with it.

Travel somewhere and make a playlist for the drive. Take a month offline and see if anything changes. Run for president of Haiti. Break a flowerpot and call it a story. Draw a 5 on your palm and high-five everyone you meet this weekend—watch them flinch.

Clean your apartment. Find the Swedish family that disappeared in there months ago. Buy Coca-Cola in those massive family jugs that enrage both environmentalists and nutritionists at the same time. Call a pizza place and explain with complete sincerity that you’re allergic to bees and they need to verify everything—really commit to it, don’t let it go. Do your own prostate exam with a DIY kit and some lube, pocket the doctor’s fee. And at some point, sleep with Ines before one of the others does.