Ten Things

There’s a royal wedding this weekend. All over television. All anyone’s talking about. Ignore it. It’ll end in divorce, they always do. Get outside instead, find something good to eat, let yourself sweat a little.

Subscribe to whatever keeps you feeling alive, even if it’s just for minutes at a time. Spend a whole afternoon being stupid—wearing shirts you’d normally be too old for, listening to music like you’re seventeen and the rules don’t apply. Eat meat. Real cooked meat, the kind you actually want. Pile it on a plate and eat all of it.

Masturbate. Nobody else is going to do it for you. Get up early some morning and run through wet grass with your arms out, completely alone, no phone, no music, nothing. Just you and whatever’s in your head. Then make enough money that you stop worrying about it. Teach some kids something real instead of the version adults are supposed to tell them.

Shave whatever you want. Grow whatever you want. Your body, your rules. And then punch something. Or someone. Or yourself. For logical reasons.