Ten Little Missions

Wear something nice, bring a tablecloth and wine glasses to McDonald’s, have dinner there like it’s an actual restaurant. The people around you won’t know what to do with it. Download a CSS song and dance—for hours, for days, whatever.

Close your blog with zero explanation. Just gone. No goodbye post, no farewell message—the people who followed it for years will wake up to a 404.

Grow a Ryan Dunn beard. Get black-out drunk with friends and just push through. Lick everything for a full day, coat to doorframe to whatever you touch, and when people ask, blame childhood trauma. Tell someone you’re in love and give them the complete list: ten specific things, from romantic to explicitly sexual, and don’t leave anything unsaid. If they think you’re insane, move on to the next person.

Donate to the WWF because they do real work and the panda logo is actually kind of perfect. Stop watching cat videos. That’s the whole thing.