Checking In

I check in on this place once a year - sit down with wine and try to be honest about whether it’s actually getting better or just wearing its own groove deeper. This year I decided to stop talking to myself about it and ask people. Sent emails to people who read, or used to read, asking what they thought. No false politeness, just what works and what doesn’t.

The blog’s been a lot of different things. Different names, different shapes, writers coming and going, me constantly trying to figure out what I meant it to be. Some people have watched the whole ride.

The feedback came back direct. Timo said he liked the roughness, the sex-and-drugs energy, but it had gotten too cautious - more force would help. Julia had already left months ago, worn down by endless galleries of naked tattooed people. Paula missed the personal writing, the openness about relationships and thoughts nobody else would write. That’s what had drawn her in. The other writers felt like they were just filling space - nobody had the same gravity.

Karl appreciated the layout and format, but he was tired of forced Berlin cool, boring sex-talk, giveaways and PR disguised as content. He wanted actual substance, real writing, authenticity.

Karl also made a point about not getting defensive. Visibility means taking shots. You deal with it. You don’t waste time arguing about whether the criticism is fair. The whole it was better before thing, blaming it all on jealousy - that’s the wrong move.

The weird thing is I already know all of this. None of it’s surprising. Knowing and doing are different things though.