Game of Bones

Game of Thrones was basically soft-core porn already. All those lingering camera shots of breasts and ass, the show’s obsession with finding reasons to get people naked, entire plotlines that existed just to justify nudity in the credits. So when the official-unofficial porn parody Game of Bones got announced, it didn’t feel surprising. It felt like the natural endpoint.

The tagline made me actually laugh: Winter is cumming. Genuine wordplay. Someone at the production got paid to think that through. The whole thing probably follows the porn-parody formula—Daenerys gets fucked, Jon Snow fucks something, dragons maybe involved, the entire complicated plot of the show reduced to whatever narrative justifies the next sex scene. And that’s fine. Nobody’s watching for the story.

But here’s the weird part: Game of Thrones spent ten seasons trying to be both prestige drama and a showcase for nudity, and it never figured out how to commit to either thing. This parody probably has more integrity. It knows exactly what it wants. It’s just fucking, end of story.