Blue Steel

I need to apologize to every friend I’ve ever called a hipster for playing Game Boy Color or wearing a beaded bracelet. Because these two—Charlotte Free and Gryphon O’Shea—they’re the hipsters. The full thing. The complete nightmare.

Charlotte’s a model who doesn’t care. Gryphon’s her half-brother, also mixed up in fashion or something like it. They made a video for Dazed & Confused—the magazine VICE owns—talking about their relationship, and I’ve never felt such pure rage in two minutes and thirteen seconds.

Watching her trip about MySpace while she looks like roadkill, watching him in his butterfly shirt throw this Blue Steel look at the camera and ramble about the ’crazy sound’ while holding a plastic arcade guitar, watching this bored, deliberate nothing sell itself as art—I wanted to scream. I wanted to start a petition. I wanted this ironic triple-alternative waste of time to end, wanted them to actually care about something instead of just assembling a lifestyle from borrowed retro scraps and nothing.

Maybe I’m just jealous. Maybe what got to me is that she can be with her half-brother and nobody says anything, and I’m sitting here furious at their freedom.