Guys Still Don’t Get It

I watch it happen on the street sometimes. A woman walks by and some guy yells something—’Hey gorgeous’ or ’Nice legs’ or something actually awful that I’m not going to repeat. In his head, he’s being bold, flirting, making a move. In hers, he’s just some asshole interrupting her day with unsolicited sexual commentary.

The gap between what he thinks he’s doing and what’s actually happening is kind of shocking. He thinks he’s charming. He’s being gross. He thinks it’s flirting. It’s harassment. The two things are so far apart and yet somehow guys keep squinting at them like they’re the same.

I get why he thinks this works. You grow up watching movies where guys are rewarded for being loud and forward, and maybe you internalize that boldness equals success. But shouting at a stranger about their body isn’t bold. It’s lazy. It makes you look insecure and stupid, like you never learned how to actually talk to someone.

The whole thing requires that the guy never has to face what he’s actually doing. He yells and walks away, or drives past. He never sits with the fact that he just made someone feel unsafe. He gets to feel like he tried something without any of the consequences of being heard. It’s the coward’s version of confidence.

There’s a context where flirting works—at a party, somewhere you’re already talking to someone, where there’s actual chemistry to build on. But a stranger on the sidewalk? You’re not opening anything. You’re just being loud. And I think most guys know that. They just don’t care.