Marcel Winatschek

Hamster Asses

You know what’s hot? A genuinely good ass—the curve, the weight, the way it commands your attention. I’m apparently not the only person who thinks this way, because someone on the internet decided to document hamster butts.

Sad and Useless did it. A whole post just cataloguing hamster asses, photographed like they matter, like anyone should care about rodent posteriors. And the stupid thing is, looking at them, I kind of get it. There’s something almost perfect about how compact they are, these little fuzzy hemispheres, completely innocent and round and just… existing.

The whole thing is absurd enough that it becomes funny. Nobody needed this. The internet is arguably worse for it. But now hamster butts are a specific thing I’ve thought about, and there’s something oddly satisfying about that specificity—the kind of weird cultural artifact that sticks with you. Probably best to keep my distance from the pet store section for a while.