Over Pharrell

I like Pharrell Williams. Which is weird, because now I’m sick of him. Look, Happy makes me want to burn down a radio station, but underneath that the guy seems genuinely cool. He’s got real connections, real access to things you can’t normally get. Good company, if you ran into him.

But he’s everywhere now. Gwen Stefani’s new video. Shoes, some of them decent until he got his name on them. Handbags. Every luxury brand with money to throw around suddenly needs a Pharrell collaboration, doesn’t matter if the idea’s actually good. He’s just part of the machine, saying yes to everything.

Then Karl Lagerfeld puts him in Sissi costumes with Cara Delevingne and makes them sing. Cara’s cool, I like her, but she has my friend Tobi’s exact face from eighth grade, and watching that face in royal couture is deeply wrong. I don’t have words for how wrong it is.

Pharrell, you have enough money. You’re set for life. Stop saying yes to every project. Take a year off. Go back and watch your old N.E.R.D videos. Remember how to be cool. That’s the Pharrell I actually loved.