Last Rations

Assume the zombie apocalypse is coming—most of us are already. When it happens, what will we actually miss? Not families, not electricity, not the internet. Bacon. We’re going to lose sleep over bacon.

CMMG, a weapons manufacturer in Missouri, apparently came to the same conclusion. They sell canned bacon—fifty strips, ready to eat straight from the tin, designed to last ten years. Around fifteen dollars a can. Black can, very tactical. Very ’I knew this was coming.’

The absurdity and logic of this product are perfectly balanced. Of course you’d want bacon when civilization collapses. Of course someone made it. Of course it’s a gun company from Missouri selling it. The reasoning is airtight and the whole thing is ridiculous.

I probably wouldn’t buy one, except maybe as a joke—the way you’d buy a zombie survival manual. But I respect the priorities. Looking at end-times preparedness and deciding that the real essential isn’t water or medicine or seeds, but bacon. Cooked bacon. In a can. For a decade of darkness.

If the apocalypse actually happens and someone pulls one of these out, they’re going to feel very clever. They’ll be right.