Kids Who Can’t Write

Little kids are hilarious. Unless you’re stuck next to one on a plane screaming for nine hours straight because they don’t understand what’s happening. Most of them are too stupid to walk, too stupid to eat without making a mess—and definitely too stupid to write.

But there’s something about that incompetence that’s perfect. The stuff kids actually write is gold. Not because the kids are talented, but because they’ve failed in the most specific way possible. They’re reaching for a word, they have the shape of it somewhere in their head, and what comes out is better than the thing they meant. Like My dad is the best cock ever. You know what they were trying to say. They just haven’t learned which word yet, and somehow the mistake is truer than the truth would be.