Hire Cheerleaders

Every time someone wins money on one of those game shows and they’re asked what they’d do with it, you get the same answers. A car. A house. Some ridiculous collection. And everyone nods along like these are normal dreams when they’re just the most boring version of having money.

What I’d actually do is hire Oliwia and Maca as personal cheerleaders. I know it sounds stupid. But there’s this photo—Giovanni Lipari shot it for C-Heads—and they’re in these perfect blue and white uniforms, and something about it just made sense. That’s the answer. That’s what I’d spend the money on.

You’d be embarrassed at first. Walking down the street with your actual cheerleaders, people staring. But once you stop caring what people think—actually stop, not just say you don’t care—it’s incredible. You’re at the bar with your friends and Oliwia and Maca are at the next table losing it. Moving through your day with constant genuine cheering right behind you. You bring someone home and they’re right there at the foot of the bed, losing their minds.

You’d probably think it gets annoying after a while. But I don’t think it would get old.