Marcel Winatschek

Big and Juicy

Taiwan’s selling enormous penis-shaped popsicles at night markets right now. Handmade ice in bright colors—raspberry red, orange, strawberry—with anatomically detailed veins running up the shaft. They’re huge, apparently, the kind of thing you can’t bite through. You have to lick.

The appeal is straightforward: Taiwan’s hot, frozen treats sell, and if you’re making ice cream, you might as well make it funny. Someone decided to sell massive novelty dicks and just committed entirely to it. No irony, no winking. Just practical absurdity.

I’ve never been to Taipei, but I’ve walked enough night markets to know the vibe. Everything’s for sale next to everything else. A stall of giant penises next to fish cakes next to pastries next to something actually delicious. Nobody’s embarrassed about it. It’s just goods.