Marcel Winatschek

YO Sperm Test

Life is basically unfair. While Johnny from upstairs keeps accidentally knocking up different women, me and Mareike have been trying for years and nothing takes. We’ve tried everything. Different positions. Toys. Whatever works.

Could be her. Could be me. Probably my sperm though—they get damaged from hot baths, your phone in your pocket, too much milk, maybe a curse, who knows. Sperm are fragile.

So there’s this phone attachment that tests them. The YO Sperm Test. You jerk off onto a slide, clip it onto your phone, it tells you if your swimmers still work or if you’re shooting blanks.

And if it’s bad? Mareike should try Uwe from the office. A baby’s more important to her than I am.