How It Actually Is

Someone uploaded Bibi’s music video to YouPorn. The title: German Girl Fucks German Music Industry. Perfect.

Bibi is a massive German YouTube star—the kind of influencer who can sell literally anything. Makeup, fragrances, skincare products that would otherwise rot in discount bins. She’s built a career on her looks, her smile, her sheer presence. Millions of kids obsess over her. She prints money.

So of course she released a song.

How it is (wap bap…) is one of the worst things I’ve ever heard. It’s the sound of someone who has never had to develop a skill assuming that fame is enough, that just existing is content. Everyone knew it was awful. She knew it was awful. But the label had money to spend, the streams would accumulate anyway, and the millions of kids buying her makeup off her presence would buy this too.

When someone ripped that video and uploaded it to a porn site with that title, it landed. The joke was too perfect. Not edgy—just true. She was fucking the German music industry. Not in some revolutionary way, but in the only way that actually works: reach, presence, complete indifference to whether anything is any good, pure momentum.

I think about this sometimes. How much of what we’re all paying attention to is just people with reach having no reason to try harder. How a song can be objectively terrible and still matter because enough people care about who’s singing it. That YouPorn upload is the most honest thing that ever happened to that track.