Glucose-Haltig As Fuck
Every year a German publishing house asks teenagers what slang they’re actually using, then announces the winners like they’ve cracked some great code. I keep watching because the results are consistently, perfectly wrong in exactly the same way.
This year’s candidates were rough. Verbuggt
(broken, wrong), glucose-haltig
(sweet), Ehrenmann / Ehrenfrau
(an honorable person, someone who does something special for you), Lauch
(idiot), auf dein Nacken
(you’re paying), AF
(as fuck), Sheeeesh
(no way?), Ich küss dein Auge
(serious thanks), Snackosaurus
(someone who eats constantly), and Lindnern
—to do nothing instead of doing something badly. I’d bet my life that last one has never actually been said out loud by a teenager. They went with Ehrenmann / Ehrenfrau
as the winner. An honorable person. That’s their word of the year.
The people running this are completely divorced from how slang actually lives. They think it’s a menu you can choose from and rank. They don’t understand that the real stuff exists in context and inside jokes and the specific moment before the joke evaporates forever. You can’t capture that with a jury. You can’t vote on it.
I’m genuinely curious what they’ll do next year, how they’ll miss the mark in the same way, whether they’ll keep trying anyway like it matters. There’s something stubborn and kind of charming about watching adults fail at the same thing, year after year, and do it again.
Like I always say: I kiss your broken eye, you Lauch.