Boulevard

Gina-Lisa Lohfink released a song called Boulevard. I’m not sure why this surprised me, but somehow it did.

She was on Germany’s Next Top Model, which is where you go if you’re tall and pretty enough to endure Heidi Klum’s laughter. Then she did reality TV. Then her sex tape circulated. Then more reality TV. And now music, because that’s the next format when everything else stops working. She’d tried songs before—”Alles Klar,” Barbie Girl, Tarzan & Jane. They went nowhere. But that doesn’t matter. Once you’re famous for anything, someone’s always willing to fund the next attempt. You throw songs into the void until one sticks.

Boulevard didn’t stick. It’s the sound of 2 a.m. in a club you got dragged to, the beat was manufactured somewhere, her voice is buried under effects that can’t save it. Not terrible. Just completely predictable. The exact song that had to exist.

The label says she’s being self-ironic about her image, which is kind. Really what’s happening is she ran out of other formats and this is the next format. Maybe she’s laughing. Maybe she’s just exhausted. Maybe the difference doesn’t matter anymore.

So now there’s a song. People will stream it. Some out of curiosity, some out of hate, most by accident. The numbers will tick. And the Boulevard just keeps existing, because why the hell wouldn’t it.