The Burger We Won’t Make

You probably know In-N-Out and Shake Shack the way you know about all the good things you’ll never actually get around to. The Double-Double Animal Style, the Double Shackburger—these aren’t just burgers, they’re the reason people hate coming home from California or New York. I read once that if you’ve eaten either one and you still go to McDonald’s, you deserve whatever cold, sad thing you’re about to order. Hard to argue.

Alvin Cailan and Andrew Rea made a video combining both burgers into one from scratch. They took the In-N-Out approach—the simplicity, the onions cooked into the patty, the right way to toast a bun—and merged it with what Shake Shack does well, which is mostly having decent beef and nailing the texture. Then they actually made it. The thing is kind of beautiful. The people at In-N-Out would be embarrassed by how much work went into it, and also hungry.

I watched the whole thing and took notes. Started thinking about getting real beef, finding the right cheese, timing it out. It seemed doable. Not even that complicated.

What happened instead: got tired, went to McDonald’s, sat there with something I won’t name, cold fries, the video still there on my phone. Wasn’t even angry about it. That’s the part that gets me.