Marcel Winatschek

Klaas Can’t Rap

Alexa raps: I connect my fist to your face via Bluetooth. Siri jumps in: Send your dick pic to your mom’s picnic. This is Klaas Heufer-Umlauf’s late-night show on ProSieben.

Klaas wanted to rap. He can’t. So instead of pretending, he let Siri and Alexa take over. The machines do the rapping while he stands there getting roasted by his own devices. The whole bit lands on the fact that they outrap him.

There’s a comparison going around to Jan Böhermann, another German late-night host who does similar shock-comedy bits. The comparison holds—German late-night seems to orbit around this kind of absurdity. But Klaas’s version is meaner. The machines aren’t just better rappers; they’re contemptuous about it. That’s the actual punchline.

What I find strangest is how much intention is baked into this. Someone wrote these lines. Someone approved them. A network greenlit the idea of Alexa insulting their own talent. It’s the kind of bit that only works because nobody’s pretending it’s clever—everyone just committed to the dumb absurdity of it all.