Marcel Winatschek

Five Times a Day

My best friend told me over coffee recently that he’s been jerking off five times a day and it’s wrecking him. Morning, classes, before he sees friends, before bed, middle of the night. It’s just eating the day.

So he decided to quit. He found this subreddit called NoFap where guys help each other stop compulsive masturbation. I guess if you’re wired that way, even the outline of a nipple through a shirt can set you off.

The subreddit is full of these straight-faced motivational posts. If Donald Trump can become president, I can stop jerking off. I haven’t masturbated in 90 days and I feel incredible. Because I stopped, I became a firefighter. You get the idea.

I’m curious how long he lasts. Bets are already running.