The Internet Is for Porn
For years, I've been trying to find a reasonably healthy middle ground between addiction and abstinence when it comes to pornography. In the early days of the internet, thanks to various image boards and the anarchy that reigned there, I masturbated myself into a depressive dead end. The content had to be even harder, even more extreme, and even more unbelievable - only then could I drag myself over the edge. Hidden cameras in women's restrooms, violent rapes in messy war zones, the dissected bodies of some Russian models who had died of an overdose. I still feel the effects of what that did to my mental state today. My depression has to come from somewhere, after all. Certain pictures will never leave my head.
At some point, I swung to the other extreme: I wanted to give up pornography completely. After all, it poisons the mind, destroys testosterone levels, and in a way, it's also maybe a bit misogynistic. Besides, I thought, maybe I'd start feeling like having sex with my girlfriend again. I'd ignore her even when she was lying naked in bed with her legs spread - I'd rather go to the bathroom with my phone, jerk off, and silently cum in the sink. My digital celibacy went pretty well for a few weeks. I had more energy in life and enjoyed real girls parts again. Until I started dreaming about wanking and spent an entire weekend gooning in front of my laptop until I almost died out of dehydration.
Today, I believe that virtual erotica, in moderation, is appropriate, important, and healthy. But I make sure to stay away from the dark corners of the internet. After all I'm glad I'm not one of those people who have terabytes of questionable photos and videos on some hidden hard drive at home and whose social standing would vanish into thin air if anyone found out what kind of sick shit gets them off. I've become a connoisseur of refined evening entertainment, consuming content only from select ethical paid sites where I can be sure that everyone appearing there is cool with what they're doing - at least, I hope so. The rest is left to my imagination. And this balance of morality and excitement seems to be enough for me now.