Marcel Winatschek

Bart, Of Course

Took one of those Simpsons personality tests—the kind that assigns you a character based on a handful of questions—and got Bart. Of course I got Bart.

The result called me "very misunderstood," said most people dismiss me as trouble without seeing that I’m "wise and well accomplished beyond my years." That last part is doing some heavy lifting, but it’s not entirely wrong as flattery goes. The assigned life philosophy—I don’t know why I did it, I don’t know why I enjoyed it, and I don’t know why I’ll do it again—lands harder than it should.

Bart is the one the show never quite knew what to do with. Chaotic and occasionally heroic in the way that only works when you don’t examine the setup too closely. Getting assigned him is better than Homer—sympathetic failure—or Lisa, which would mean the test thought you were earnest and kind of a drag. Bart means you’re the chaos. I’ll take it.