Marcel Winatschek

The Mole Has Power

All I wanted was a bathroom break and a quick check on my Animal Crossing village. The loading screen cleared, and instead of the usual gentle arrival, Don Resetti was standing in my living room.

He opened by thanking me, on behalf of Nintendo, for purchasing the game. Very professional. Then he spent the next five minutes—five literal minutes of dialogue, with my DS battery quietly approaching zero the entire time—explaining in exhaustive detail exactly what kind of person quits without saving. He had opinions. He expressed them fully. Near the end he warned me that if he had to come back, things would escalate. What escalation looks like in a game about fishing and planting flowers remained unspecified, but the threat landed completely.

Part of me wants to quit without saving again just to find out. The smarter part has been saving obsessively ever since. The man has power.