Everything I Know About Redheads

The plan was to be out in the May Night chaos like everyone else. We had intentions, genuine ones. The better we plan anything, the faster it all falls apart—so instead of riots and dancing we ended up at mine with a shisha, a few drinks, and a South Park marathon. MTV running it all night was honestly a rescue operation.

I learned things. That redheads have no souls, which explains certain people I’ve known. That you shouldn’t throw shurikens at small blonde boys. That sneaking naked across a stage while convinced you’re invisible is never the move, regardless of how strongly you believe in your own invisibility. South Park keeps delivering these foundational life lessons and I keep being surprised by them.

Somewhere in there I finally tried those Korean instant noodles everyone had been going on about. Actually excellent. Genuinely no notes. A solid enough night for one that began with failed ambitions—only the hard ones left standing by the end, which is the only kind I keep around anyway.