Hello, My Name Is Ronnie Rammer

That’s my porn name—looked it up on one of those generator sites and I’m genuinely a little proud of it. Ronnie Rammer has a jawline and a two-syllable surname that sounds like something you’d find on a box set in the back of a video rental place, right next to a photo of a man with tremendous hair and no shirt. Ronnie Rammer does not call back.

There’s a whole micro-genre of these name generators—porn star, wrestler, drag queen, indie band—and the good ones feel almost oracular, like they’ve located something true about you that your given name was too polite to say. Ronnie Rammer. I’m keeping it.