The Ledger of May

May being shit: some idiot photobombing the best shot of the day. Hayfever. Not eating enough fruit and being fully aware of this. Giving up on something mid-month and still not knowing if it was the right call. That swap I made going visibly sideways. Beer-flavored chips, which keep existing despite no one asking. ICQ transfers still moving at geological speed. Waking up drenched at 3am for no discernible reason. Grey’s Anatomy ending again before I’m remotely ready. The Baltic Sea trip still sitting weeks away on the calendar. Bad mood despite the first real sun of the year—which is its own specific betrayal, a kind of mood that doesn’t even have the decency to match the weather.

May being good: actual sun. Lykke Li’s thing for megaphones—that whole live approach where she just wields one and somehow pulls it off. Finally getting paid. Cherry blossoms. The best cat video I’ve seen in months, the kind you send to people without explaining why. A Friends marathon landing at exactly the right moment. Being able to lick. Yogurette. Making peace with an old chapter—different from pretending it didn’t happen. Outdoor sex again, finally. The blonde outside my window. Labello Milk & Honey. The smell the air gets in warm weather, like something unlocked. Spaghetti with chocolate sauce, which sounds wrong and absolutely isn’t. Fermentation. Drinking more water than usual and feeling almost virtuous about it.