Reincarnation by Shark Attack

Bambu has a plan for the afterlife. She wants a shark to eat her—not metaphorically, not as a fantasy, but as an actual exit strategy, the kind that supposedly catapults you straight into the next life. She’s 23, covered in tattoos, sings, dances, and is somehow still single, which seems like the universe’s oversight more than hers.

I’ve always had a thing for SuicideGirls—not just the obvious reasons, though those count too. There’s something about the combination of ink and attitude and an almost theatrical commitment to being exactly yourself that gets to me. Bambu fits that template and then layers a whole cosmological death-wish on top of it. The shark thing isn’t dark so much as it is ambitious. Most people just want to be cremated.

I genuinely can’t tell you how someone arrives at shark-assisted transcendence as a life goal. Maybe it’s a Buddhist angle. Maybe it’s the kind of thing you say when a questionnaire lands in front of you and answering straight feels like a waste. Either way, it’s the most interesting answer to "how do you want to go?" I’ve heard in years. Respect.