Two Pickup Lines, One Fashion Week, Zero Shame

Hannah couldn’t make it—Munich is still somehow not closer to Berlin than it was ten years ago—so I’m taking Mandy to the Berlin Fashion Week party instead. We will almost certainly be the most conspicuously out-of-place people in the room, which I’ve decided is a strategic advantage. When you’re obviously not industry, you either get ignored entirely or you become the most interesting person there by default. I’m counting on the second one.

I’ve spent a genuinely embarrassing amount of time preparing two pickup lines for the occasion. First: Come with me—I’ll make you really big. Classic. Timeless. The kind of thing that works precisely because it’s so bad you assume the person saying it must be joking, which creates just enough ambiguity. Second: Do you want to have Cini Minis with me tomorrow morning? This one is more specific, more personal, and funnier—also because models, as a professional class, are generally not permitted to eat cereal with marshmallows in it, which makes the invitation either charming or cruel depending on how you look at it. I’ve trademarked both.

Hannah also asked me to kidnap Vivienne Westwood on her behalf. I’ve noted it. Shouldn’t be a problem.