The Madness of Your Voice
A blonde girl asked me if I was satisfied with my life, holding my hand as we walked through dead Berlin streets. No wind, no sound, no one around. War had silenced everything, burned the houses to ash. I looked up at the sky. Couldn’t answer, couldn’t think. White clouds on blue drifting over the ruins like they’d won something. How alive these streets used to be. How no one survived the endless night. My body was buried somewhere under this rubble. Forever.
We turned into a park with dead trees lining the path. Her bright dress caught the sun and her smile made me forget, for a moment, the pain I’d been carrying for months. We laughed. We played. Then she stopped and pointed ahead.
At the far end of the path stood a naked red-haired girl. I ran toward her. But when I got close—her empty stare, pale face, blood covering her body—I slowed down. The sky turned black. The clouds became burning sparks falling to dead earth. The ground opened up beneath us.
Paula was holding me, pressing a cold glass of water to my face. Another nightmare?
she asked. Her breasts moved with every breath, and the smell of cheap perfume mixed with her unwashed body made me hate her more with each passing second. Paula likes orange ties.
The fact that she replaced Sina means something is profoundly wrong. Three months since Sina left in rage and tears. Every night since then these visions tear through my head, making me sick.
I have to find her,
I told Paula, taking a long drink. The room was dark blue-black. Empty syringes scattered on the floor next to the bed. My skin was covered in cold sweat. I hung over the balcony and vomited while imagining how she dies. How she suffers. How I can’t stop any of it.
She’s your best friend, you fucking whore,
I screamed at Paula, cursing the day I let her through the door. The long nights talking. The crying. The sex, over and over, apologizing. Where does she even come from? When did she get here? I can’t separate reality from the madness anymore, can’t tell what’s happening right now from what’s only in my head. The drugs. The music. The women. But I only want one thing. Sina back. That’s all that matters.