Correspondence, Such as It Is
Print journalism’s finest invention was the reader letter section—a space where editors could be condescending with full institutional authority, where opinions were solicited and answered however the editor saw fit, and where the ratio of genuine insight to spectacular nonsense ran about one to fourteen. Most magazines have gone digital and taken the comments with them. The dynamic is unchanged; the stamps are gone. Some of these still deserve a real answer.
First, from Alexander Seitz, age fourteen, responding to the WTF post: The picture shocked me, I think I missed something in my youth… the two boys don’t have a hair on them yet, but they’re having a great five-minute quickie with the girl! And on her stomach they opened a guestbook. Alexander Seitz, 14.
Dear Alexander: what you’re seeing is almost certainly a Fujifilm demonstration photo, preloaded at the factory to showcase the camera’s resolution and color accuracy. Completely innocent. As for the claim that young Alexander lacks body hair—I can personally refute this, having knitted us both matching winter hats from the relevant material during last year’s ski trip.
Then Robert, via Twitter, on a post about criticism and trolls: What gets on my nerves is that you’re actually the one whining here. You ask for feedback and criticism, then call the people who criticize this blog trolls? Then you can’t be surprised when someone calls you an arrogant asshole. Just accept comments that don’t suit you. Stop whining!
Dear Robert: given your commanding audience of over fifty Twitter followers and your obviously extensive experience running websites under sustained hostile conditions, your perspective carries real weight. You’re right—I’m retiring "trolls." The new official term is "small-dicked men with inferiority complexes and attention deficits." More accurate. I have you to thank.
Finally, Nelly, writing about Hannah in a letter she sent by post—actual physical post, in November 2009: I’m a huge fan and I sometimes ask myself: what would Hannah do in this situation? I’d just love to be like her, but I’m doing my best to try.
Hannah is genuinely remarkable; this I can confirm from close proximity. But what’s more remarkable is that Nelly rescued the postal service from financial ruin by committing her pre-lesbian declaration of love to actual paper and sending it here physically. I sat around the envelope for twenty minutes clicking where the attachment would have been before the postman took pity on me and explained the concept of opening it. All future correspondence should arrive this way. So much more personal.