God, You’re Ugly

Darwin Dating only admits beautiful people, and to prove you qualify you work through a checklist of flaws you must not have. No acne. No love handles. No sagging tits. No excess body hair. No monobrow. No blue eyeshadow. No freckles. No red hair. The resulting membership apparently numbers around ten people, each of whom has been run through some kind of offline Photoshop before gaining entry to the club.

I naturally don’t qualify, which means I’m stuck conducting second-rate flirtations on regular social media like everyone else. What’s interesting is that all these supposedly beautiful humans collectively produced a genuinely hideous website. They have the faces but not the taste. Someone should sign up and report back on whether beautiful people are actually any fun—my money is firmly on no.