The Dildo, the Zombie Bride, and the Talking Mailbox

Lil’ Amy was finally, completely sick of standing in the same spot all day as the logo of a second-rate website, grabbing herself in the crotch. So she grabbed her two best companions—Waldo, the know-it-all magical dildo, and Mort, the permanently depressed zombie bride—and the three of them moved into a kebab shop, where they would from now on fight the forces of the evil Klabautermann, the sea goblin whose name must not be spoken.

One day, Waldo’s former owner Hermione Granger knocked on the door of our unlikely heroes. You have to help me! she cried. Lil’ Amy and her homies set down their döner sauces and listened. The evil Klabautermann—whose name must not be spoken—has stolen my enchanted cat, and without her I cannot sleep. Please bring her back! Lil’ Amy nodded. Together with Waldo and Mort she threw herself into the döner time machine. It hummed, it hissed, time flew past them in a blur. When they came to and opened their eyes again, they found themselves looking at a talking mailbox. It said: Greetings, strangers. You’ve arrived just in time for…