How You Got Here
These are the actual search queries that led real human beings to this site on April 19th, 2009. Not to shame anyone—the internet was still mostly anonymous back then—but because collectively they form an involuntary self-portrait of whoever was out there that day, and that portrait deserves to be seen.
Gay sex in the forest: army conscription. My ex the slut. Going out to smoke. Pointless rules in everyday life. Sexy pictures of Emma Watson. Free Porn Man’s fuckin Dock’s. Red hair girl sexy. Berlin transvestite strip. Can you wear a sweater with a miniskirt? Drunk Russians. Horny girl loves animal sex. Saggy tits Rapidshare. Fresh meat from old prunes. Porn no.
A video you can register for where a man and woman undress during sex. Lisa records herself. How big are dog dicks? What was the episode called where the white Power Ranger first appeared? By the power of Grayskull: I have the power! Anne, you horny pig. Lindsay Lohan and her freckles. Shit alarm clock musical. Media designer sex. Why is Aggro Berlin dead? Sweet student for sex in Munich. Sex games with girls in the disco who strip to their underwear. Nivea in pussy.
Somewhere in there is a person who just wanted to know if a sweater goes with a miniskirt. Another one, in a sudden fit of puritanism, typed "porn no"—and still ended up here, which tells you everything. Someone typed out the full He-Man incantation. Someone was sitting at a computer thinking about Lindsay Lohan’s freckles and somehow wound up on this page, which I will never fully understand. The person asking why Aggro Berlin—Germany’s most notorious hip-hop label—went under: honestly, a fair question. The dog dick person—I want to believe they were a vet student. I choose to believe that.
Search engines used to be a confessional booth. The priest just happened to be a server log.